I'm the new co-host of Bad Language

I can finally reveal that I will be the new co-host of Bad Language.

In a sensational move, two thirds of the existing Bad Language team are to move to London to become bricklayers or astronauts or something. They will continue to oversee Bad Language from a national level, which means I get to move in and help develop their long-running Manchester night.

I've already thought of some ideas to make it better. I hope you like them:

1. Lasso the moon and bring it to earth, like some beautiful, terrifying beacon;

2. All television versions of Miss Marple all talking at once all the time;

3. Funnels;

4. Lasso the moon and milk it, providing sweet, sweet lunar nectar for everyone. Mmmmm, bacon;

5. Moor the QE2 and/or similar size ship and/or a desert island inside Bad Language venue The Castle, fill the place with water, laugh like maniacs;

6. Change every attendee's surname by deed poll to Yeepman;

7. Lasso the moon then apologise profusely and insist we were aiming for Mimas and/or Titan. Offer to buy the moon a drink. Moon sexy time. Mmmmm, bacon;

8. Use only scripts from the sitcom May To December;

9. Infinite sadness, see also 8;

10. A cluster of elbows and/or packet of knees.

Joe Daly will co-host the next Bad Language with li'l old me. And a massively doffed hat to Daniel Carpenter and Nici West who built a fantastic reputation for the event during their time in Manchester. It's going to be fun working with them from their London lair.

Mmmmm, lair.